- Recipe: Ingredients
- Recipe: Instructions
- Creative: Mycenification
- Proof of Preparation

Kalindi sighed as she stared out the window of the house, at the frost-covered rocks outside in the cave. She shuddered at the idea of heading out into the cold, but she felt vaguely homesick since she moved out of the river to join the ineki and drasilis on dry land to explore.

“Something the matter, dear lady?” Sampion poked his head out of the kitchen where he spent most of his time, green eyes showing curiosity and concern in equal measure.

The kelph smiled as she turned away from the window and faced him. “No, not really, Sam. Just thinking.” No need to make him feel guilty about her being here instead of home for the winter.

“Just a little homesick?” Sampion wasn’t fooled however, as he studied her, and smiled back. “You don’t have to stay, I do hope you know that.” The rest of him emerged from the kitchen to go join her at the window.

“I know. I want to stay though. It’s just…well. Sometimes I do miss being back home, and all my friends and family there.”

Sampion nodded slightly to that. “We all miss home at one point in our lives. I was terribly homesick for months after I moved out here, myself…” He paused, looking suddenly thoughtful. “Come on.” He headed back for the kitchen.

“Sam, maybe baking helps you feel better, but…” Kalindi followed anyhow, shaking her head. “It’s not really the same thing for me.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but there is nothing like making a batch of grandma’s cookies to make ANYONE feel better.” Sampion grinned at her as he dug various ingredients out of their locations. “I haven’t made these in years…it’s long overdue anyhow. I used to make them every year for the family celebrations around the holidays, but then business picked up and I had less time and I forgot…” He looked wistful for a moment.

“Grandma’s cookies?” Kalindi tilted her head, looking at the ingredients assembled interestedly. Some sort of ground bark that smelled delicious, little candy chips, flour, the soft brown sugar and something that she thought she’d seen boiled to make a tasty breakfast. Some butter and milk came out of their storage spaces, and the cat ineki flipped the oven on expertly.

“Yes. My dear grandmother’s recipe, anyhow. When I was a kit, I accidentally discovered an alteration to the recipe that has proven exceptionally popular, but otherwise, it’s all hers.” He quickly and expertly measured the various ingredients out as he spoke.

“Oh?”

Sampion looked a bit prideful and abashed at the same time. “Well, I accidentally mixed up the half cup and the third cup measures one day. People liked it better that year than they had in other years, so I’ve done it that way ever since.” He shrugged, and then backed away from the measured ingredients. “But anyhow. Take the sugar, and the butter there, and mix them up.”

The kelph blinked. “What, me?”

Sampion smiled. “Yes, you. Why not start some new traditions? And the best ones can sometimes be learning someone else’s old ones. It makes them new again for everyone, which is a wonderful thing, I think.”

Kalindi laughed, her homesickness fading already. He was quite good at making her laugh. “I like the way you think, too. So sugar and flour, you said?”

“Aye…” the cat carefully instructed the larger being in what to mix when, then helped her measure out spoonfuls onto the lined sheets to put into his oven. “The best thing about this recipe is that those chips are replaceable with just about anything that might suit your fancy. Dried berries, nuts, other candy bits, you name it. I love the versatility…but butterscotch is my favorite. That’s how my grandma used to make them.”

“I can understand that.” Kalindi curled up around the ineki as they waited, and then helped pull them from the oven, sniffing appreciatively at the scent of them. “They smell absolutely delicious.”

Sampion expertly slid one off of the tray with a spatula, and offered it to her. “They taste even better.”

“I find that hard to believe…” Kalindi countered, carefully taking it and sampling it. Her brows rose at the taste and she quickly devoured the rest of it, trying not to burn her tongue on it.

“Still find it hard to believe?” Sampion laughed.

All the ingredients! (Except the cinnamon, because I’m a derpface that forgot that detail, and the butter because that was already in the bowl before I thought of pictures. TBH, they’re still delicious without the cinnamon if you forget like I did here.) Again, the xanthan gum and the specifically gluten free flour/oats is ONLY needed if you have someone that can’t eat gluten that you want to share these with or you are yourself. It does not make them any less or more delicious.

Batter all mixed up! Note: I have two separate bowls here because I ended up only having two half-bags of two different flavors of chips, and I didn’t want to mix them together. So one is the oatmeal-butterscotch I list as the recipe, the other actually has pumpkin spice chips I found around halloween and tried out. Not too bad, either (if you can find them)!

Onto the sheets to go into the oven! (Covering the sheets in aluminum foil is optional, but my cookie sheets are so old that no amount of greasing makes things not stick, so I do so.)

And out they come! Note that they hardly look golden browned at all, you actually don’t want them to, or they’re overcooked!

Nomnomnomnomnom.

~ten cave spuds (potatoes)
2 cups Havarti cheese, shredded
4 teaspoon paprika
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 cup butter
1 boneless chicken breast (can be removed without any impact)
375 ml (one and half containers) sour cream
2 tablespoons chives
1/2 onion, minced

1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup water
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
Oil for frying (we use canola oil)

Start by preheating your oven to 375 degrees. When the oven is ready, cook the chicken in the oven for 45 minutes (or until done, as oven temps may vary). While it cooks, you can prepare the potatoes.
Peel your potatoes, and cut them into roughly 1-inch cubes. Add them to a pot with water, and boil until soft. Drain water from pot when done.
When chicken is done, cut and shred it as finely as possible. (you can also just cut into small pieces, but our family prefers them to be shredded)
Add the chicken and all other filling ingredients to the pot of potatoes, and mash the potatoes and ingredients together until the potatoes are well mashed, and everything is blended together well.

Combine flour, cornstarch, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.
In a separate bowl, combine 1/2 cup water, beaten egg, and vegetable oil.
Add the wet ingredients to the dry, and mix together.

Note: If you have a deep-fryer, you can use that instead of the pan. Just follow your deep-fryer’s instructions.
Fill a saucepan with canola oil until there’s about 3 inches’ worth. Heat on medium-high until it starts crackling.
Lightly dust your hands with flour, and scoop out enough filling to roll into a 1 and 1/2 inch ball.
Roll ball into batter, and place in pan with oil. Allow it to cook for about 3 minutes, or until a golden brown.
Remove and set on paper towels, and allow to cool (paper towels will soak excess oil).
Repeat until desired amount of balls have been cooked. Leftover filling and/or balls can be stored for later use.

When the kelph were integrated into the cave society, they brought with them several new plant species, the most popular of which was the cave spud. According to the kelph, the sea kelph had been cultivating the cave spud for generations. None of them have been able to verify where the plant originally came from, although a single elder kelphi swears his great- great-great-grandfather bought the first seeds from a smuggler in a place called Daemonheim. It’s currently unknown if such a place actually exists, as the elder’s memory isn’t typically the most reliable… and his memory recollections have included odd tales involving free armor trimming and billion-dollar party hats.

The cave spud recipe itself was created by an innovative ineki with a love of cooking, shortly after trying cave spuds for the first time.

Image 1: Some finished cave spud balls
Image 2: An example of how the filling looks when finished, though this example is a photo of the leftover filling.

(because bananas exist in Mycena, right?)

- 3 bananas (spoiled or fresh, fresh is preferred)
- 1 tsp of white tooth mushroom powder
- 1 tsp of albino mushroom powder
- 2 1/2 c flour
- 1 c sugar
- 1/2 c fresh milk
- 1/2 c soft butter
-  3 medium-sized logs for the fire (idk if they have ovens in canon or not, but for the sake of being old-fashioned, they don’t.)
- optional: add 1 c cocoa bits and/or peanuts and walnuts

1. Light the logs for the fire and let it begin to burn. Prepare a pan to put over it to put the OTHER pans on. Are you getting what I’m saying? You put the pans on a larger pan so that you don’t have to hang them separately. Whatever.
2. Mash the bananas in a large bowl.
3. Add the flour and sugar. Mix.
4. Add the milk and butter. Mix.
5. Add the albino mushroom powder FIRST. It may have a bad reaction to the other powder if not mixed in correctly!! Mix it really good.
6a. THEN add the white tooth mushroom powder. Mix.
6b. If you’re adding cocoa bits or nuts, put those in now.
7. Mix it all together. It will begin to thicken, and once it is relatively consistent with lumps, then you can stop mixing. Make sure the lumps aren’t too big.
8. Pour half the mixture into one of the pans, and the other half into the other pan.
9. Put both pans above the fire and bake for 45 minutes.
10. When finished, go ahead and eat it up! But not all of it. Save some for me.

Step 1: Gather the ingredients (and the baby, so you can keep an eye on her)

6 legless Doomfrogs (sausages in any flavour you like - I used lamb)
2 teaspoons canola oil (not pictured)
2 cups flour (not pictured)
1 cup milk (or soy milk because dairy and I don’t get along)
4 eggs
Spices to taste (I used salt, pepper, paprika, minced garlic, and an Italian-style “mixed herb” blend)
3-4 Potatoes (optional: margarine/butter, soy milk)
Vegetable of choice (I went with peas): You can literally make ANY vege you want. Broccoli is awesome. A cold salad is great too.
Packet of instant gravy <.<

1 mixing bowl
1 fairly large oven-safe dish
1-2 saucepans
1 microwave safe dish

Serves 6 (or one Jacq+partner for two dinners and a lunch)

1. Preheat the oven to 200C / 400F.
2. Place your Doomfrogs in the bottom of the dish and drizzle the little oil on the top.

3. Put sausages and oil in the oven for 10 minutes. While that’s going on, prepare the Breadshroom batter.

4. Mix together the milk, eggs, flour, and spices, until the batter is smooth and there are no lumps.
- spices are optional and completely *to taste*! In this recipe, I used about a teaspoon of minced garlic, a teaspoon of paprika, 1/8 teaspoon of mixed herbs, a dash of salt, and two cranks of ground pepper (about 1/16 teaspoon).

5. Take the hot pan from the oven, and quickly pour the batter in. Try not to put it right over top of the sausages, but fill in all the gaps between them. You want your doomfrogs to be poking their heads out of the batter a little bit.

(shhhh, don’t tell him what’s about to happen)

6. Return to the oven for about 25-30 minutes. You’ll know it’s done because the bread puffs up and turns golden brown on the top, and it pulls away from the edges. (I overcooked mine here by about 4 minutes. Because there was a changingshroom in my shop and I really wanted to use it <.< - I got a Tanuki though so it was worth the overcooking! )

(ps; if you have a smaller baking dish, the dough will rise over the top, giving it a mushroom shape! I was unable to do this since I only have one oven-safe dish at the moment.)

1. Boil some water and cut up them spuds. Keep the skins on or I’ll judge you.
2. Add taters to hot water and boil for about 15-20 minutes, until they are easy to stab with a fork.
3. Drain water, and mash the crap outta them. Add a teaspoon of butter/margarine and a splash of milk if you’re feeling fancy.
4. Write a letter of apology to Myla (optional).

1. Put them in the thing and then add some water and put them in the microwave. Or, y’know, do whatever you like.

1. Put the powder in a bowl and then add some hot water and stir
(i.e. follow package directions if you buy some bizzaroworld instant gravy that doesn’t work this way.)
2. Lumps are bad.

Put it all together, remove baby’s feet, and enjoy.
Because you deserve a nice meal <3
(I recommend the mashed potato volcano)

IMPORTANT:
- Use raw sausages. Precooked sausages will get dry and overcooked in the time you’re baking them. Mine started life frozen, but I defrosted them before cooking. Using fresh sausage from the butcher/supermarket makes for the best tasting dish.

- Since you’re cooking at a fairly high temperature, use canola/rapeseed or vegetable oil rather than that fancy extra virgin triple-distilled olive oil. If you need a substitute, check the chart on this page and select an oil with a smoke point higher than 200C/400F.

- Darker pans will need less time to cook than if you’re using lighter-coloured or glass ones. I’d check every few minutes after the first 20 if you’re unsure.

- Technically you want to use about 220g of flour, which is a little less than 2c. You can check the photos for the consistency of the batter, and add a splash of milk if you think yours is too thick. A small variation will affect the final density of the dough, but not the taste.

NOT SO IMPORTANT:
- Whisking or blending the batter rather than using a fork will make it a little fluffier/bubblier and rise higher. (I broke my whisk a few days before cooking this so just used a fork).

- You can make these into “Bone Monster’s Yorkshire Shrooms with Meaty Doomfrog Bits” by precooking and chopping your sausage, and adding it to the batter, then pouring the mixture into (preheated with oil) cupcake tins. The cooking time will vary depending on the batter:meat ratio and size of the cupcake tin (usually about 15 mins) and I make no promises for it turning out.

- I’ve never made this with veggie sausages, but if I did, I would probably put the oil +pan in for 10 minutes first, then add the sausages and the batter on top right away (to reduce the chance of them drying out from the heat or turning to mush from the oil). All that said, this is not a recipe I would consider making for my vegan sister, because there are a lot of substitutions involved and the whole concept of “toad in a hole” is a little gross for lots of ppl that aren’t into meat.

- You should easily be able to halve this recipe with no problems, but I’ve never done it.

I’m afraid I didn’t get a picture of the finished product, as I was in a bit of a rush, but, as a whole-berry cranberry sauce, it should have a texture similar to a chutney and a deep, rich red color.

Gather around, my little kittens - I’ve heard you’ve been asking for a story! Well, I happen to have a good one: I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the Grim?

Legend tells of an Ineki with a beautiful golden coat. He was always decked out in beads of flowers and precious gems. He was beloved by all of the other Ineki, and his charm wasn’t lost on the other creatures of the cave: it was said that the fish from the ponds leapt out onto his feet, because they were so infatuated with his beauty.

But one year - one year there was a great famine. None of the Ineki knew what was causing it, but suddenly, the ground was parched, and there was no water to drink. And let me tell you, children, no matter how beautiful your coat may be, it won’t help you when there’s no food. Seeing that his people were doomed, the beautiful Ineki left them, seeking someplace where the food was plentiful. Only, he had a problem - he had never learned to gather or hunt, you see: In fact, the beautiful Ineki had no useful skills at all. You don’t, when you can simply charm somebody else into doing whatever you need to do. But now there was nobody to charm. The wildlife was wary of him, having lost so many of their number to hungry Ineki in the past, and when he eventually reached another settlement, he was gaunt and thin, and no longer nearly as beautiful as he once was.

The Ineki living in this other settlement were kind - they gave him food and water and a place to spend the night, and even heard out his tale. But if he wanted to stay with them, they said, he had to work. The beautiful Ineki decided that he’d rather leave than admit he didn’t know how to do anything useful - he was far too proud for that. He left the settlement the night they asked him to work, and never returned.

Now, a few years later, a little pup decided she was far too good for working, and she stormed off into the wilderness, her head full of stories of grand adventure, and more importantly, no chores! After the first day of her journey, she stopped to rest under a great tree. When she awoke, she found that there was another Ineki there, apparently waiting for her to wake up. She didn’t recognise him - he had a golden coat, the likes of which she’d never seen before, and was decorated in all manner of beautiful floral arrangements. He presented her with a platter of food - the fluffiest pancake she’d ever laid eyes on, garnished with all sorts of mushrooms, and a spiced meat she didn’t recognise the taste of. Having left without any supplies, she was starving, and wolfed the food down. When she was done, he asked her if she’d like some more - of course she did! His food was delicious! He seemed flattered by her praise, and invited her back to his cave. Naturally, the pup was suspicious of this - her elders had always taught her to be wary of strangers. But somebody so beautiful couldn’t be bad! She went with him easily, and once they were there, he showed her to his kitchen.

Considering how beautiful its owner was, the little pup thought, the kitchen was an ugly place, with a fire-pit full of ash, and the smell of rotting meat playing lightly in the air. She turned back to her host to ask him what was going on, but he had vanished, and to her horror, she found the door locked! She decided that she’d search for some secret way out - her head was still full of stories, you see, and when the hero of a story gets locked into a kitchen, there’s always a way out!

First, she pawed through the ashes of the fire - she unearthed something, but to her horror, it was a gnawed bone, about as long as her forearm! Further searching there unearthed more bones, but no secret exits! The next place she searched was the shelves. There, she found all sorts of terrifying implements, all sharp and heavy and caked in rotting meat. After that, she just banged and wailed and cried until she was so tired, she just laid down on the floor.

At that moment, the beautiful Ineki appeared again, and all of a sudden, the kitchen no longer smelled of rot, and the fireplace was clean of ash, and there was a considerably lighter smell in the air. But, when she looked in the beautiful Ineki’s eyes, she saw all the filth and rot was there - for he was that selfish traveller who came to her home long before she was born, twisted and warped by some strange and long-forgotten magic.

That little pup was never seen again, but rest assured, little kittens - the next pup who was bold enough to venture from his home, and who was confronted by the beautiful Ineki, was followed by his older brother, who knew of the little pup’s recklessness. He saw the beautiful Ineki offer his younger sibling the food, and though the little pup was more than happy to eat it, the brother sprung out of the shadows with a cry - the beautiful Ineki was startled by this, and fled the scene, dropping the food, which, as soon as it left his paws, reverted to its former state of dubious-looking meat, garnished with pieces of fur that looked suspiciously similar to that of those who had vanished into the wilderness.

From that point on, little pups and kittens were told of the monstrous Grim, who tempted tender younglings away from their homes with glamoured foods, and when they were safely inside his cave, ate them up at once!

Made it again (albeit with sausages, since I ran out of mince), and this time, I remembered my username!

- Recipe: Ingredients
- Recipe: Instructions
- Creative: Mycenification
- Proof of Preparation

Tomorrow is grocery day and this doesn’t last long in the house as its one of our favorites.

As it turns out there were no pumpkins at the store yesterday so I used butternut squash.

When getting together your ingredients before you start, make sure to read the box and get those ingredients needed to prepare the batter as well. The ones listed below are separate and not used for the mix preparation. For example the mix I used needed 3 eggs, 1 cup of water, and 1/3 cup of oil to be prepared. Not all boxed mixes are the same. READ THE BOX and don’t forget to count/set aside those extra ingredients before you start.

Easy does it. Try to spoon or pour the mixture into areas instead of trying to spread it around too much. You don’t want to end up mixing the cheese into the batter, just setting it on top.

See that wasn’t so hard

Omnomnom! Even caek batter like cheesy goodness!

Mmmmm so much chawklat. But what happened to the cheese?

All this…

Goes into this…

To become this!

And look! I found the cheese!

I had to rush a bit because of work so I didn’t get to refrigerate before cutting. It doesn’t need long, just about 30-40 min to let the topping set a little.  Doesn’t mean it wasn’t any less tasty, just not as pretty on my plate <3 the layers kinda look like Mycena birthday cake xD

After Solstice had gone off exploring for the morning, Olossë had gotten right to work. He knew he didn’t have much time if he was going to have everything ready and packed safely away in the picnic basket before she got back. Finding pans, cracking eggs and mixing furiously. The cake was a special family recipe. One his mother had been so happy to share with him when he told her his plans.

Unfortunately for his plans the cake wasn’t finished cooling when she came rushing excitedly through the door. “Lolo! Come quick! You gotta see what I fished up from the pond!!” There was a startling clatter from the kitchen, the sound of something dropped. But before she could go see he appeared in the doorway, covered in flour and looking somewhat flustered. “What was that? Is everything alright?” she asked with a touch of concern, reaching to wipe a smudge of what appeared to be chocolate from his cheek.

“It’s fine! I just dropped something…” Namely the bowl of frosting he had just decided to start spreading on the cake. It wasn’t that big of a deal. He could easily make more. But now he had a bigger mess to clean before he could surprise her. “What are you doing back so soon? I thought you were going to check out that new cavern we found?”

“I was, but I stopped at the pond first and found a giant piece of driftwood. I mean big enough to keep us in firewood for days this winter.” Solstice hated being cold, and their first winter in their tiny home had been a hard one. “I wanted you to come help me break it down and bring it home.” Standing on tip toes, she tried to peek over his shoulder at what was going on in the kitchen. “Are you baking something? It smells wonderful.”

“Oh well then, why don’t you take my hatchet, and get started on the log. I’ll be down as soon as I get this mess cleaned up.” But of course that wasn’t going to happen as soon as she spotted the chocolate cream all over the floor.

“No! I can help here! We’ll get it done quicker together.” The little cat pushed past him, going immediately for the bowl. She wanted to steal a quick taste. His protests fell on deaf ears as she swiped a bit of frosting with her finger, eyes closing blissfully at the sweet, creamy flavor on her tongue.

“This is sooo good! It’s such a shame to have ended up on the floor.” Swiping another taste she started moving to the sink but paused, her finger still in her mouth. There was something familiar about this flavor. It reminded her of infrequent celebrations held for a special thing. She spun around suddenly, excited at the thought. There was only one cake she knew of with frosting like that. “Who is it?”

Olossë blushed furiously, realizing she had figured out what it was. But maybe he could play dumb. He tried to start scraping the cream off the floor and into the bin. “Who? What who? Sol, I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Oh no-no! You do so!” She had learned early on how bad of a liar he was. And that blush was spreading to his ears. Giggling she crouched next to him, her tails flicking back and forth in barely contained excitement. “That cake is made for one thing, and one thing only. So who is it? Who’s going to the tree?”

Looking into her bright eyes he sighed, disappointment washing over him. This wasn’t at all how he’d wanted to do this. Ears drooping he glanced down at the mess of his surprise. “I had been hoping… that you would.”

That sadness in his eyes made her stop, confused. “Me? Olossë... what are you talking about?”

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he continued looking at the ruined floor. “I know that you’ve been trying to find your family. But I also know that ever since that day if found you lost and wandering in the cave alone, and let you move in till we found you a place of your own that you’ve made my life brighter. So I thought…” He looked up at her, thinking it was a stupid thought. “That maybe you’d let me be your family.”

Solstice didn’t know what to say to that. It was so unexpected. But she’d be lying to herself if she tried to say that she hadn’t grown to care for him deeply over the past year. With happy tears welling up in her eyes she pushed the bowl aside, reaching to hold his face in her paws as she leaned in to press her forehead to his.

Together the two of them cleaned up the mess. Then with each others help they finished the special cake, making it that much sweeter when they shared it under the Sacred Tree as they celebrated their mihlanaku.

• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 cup melted butter
• SUGGESTIONS: 1/2 cup of your favorite nut or some raisins?

for the apples:

• 7 medium sized apples (suggested breeds: jazz, pink lady, honeycrisp, or a mixture of any kind! variety is the spice of life)
• 4 tsp. lemon juice (note: if your apple are particularly juicy, cut this a bit so as not to have TOO much juice!)
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla

for the making:

• whatever you use for coring, skinning, and slicing apples
• an 8x8 or 9x9 inch glass or other oven-safe pan, something around there, the kind you put brownies in!
• a mixing bowl
• maybe another little bowl? and one of those brushy things like for brushing sauce on meats? these are just for convenience’s sake
• an oven and whatever you melt butter with (I use a microwave!)

1. Heat the oven to 350°F/177°C
2. Peel, core, and slice your apples
3. Stick ‘em in your pan, here you can either mix the vanilla and lemon juice into a little bowl and quickly brush it over the apples, or you can just pour away right into the pan and mix them up a little bit. Either works! Just try to get a nice even distribution, but don’t worry if you don’t it will still be scrumptious.
4. Mix those topping ingredients right up except for the butter. The butter you’ll need to melt first, then pour it right on in there and mix away!
5. Mush the topping all over the top of the apples so it’s a nice even delicious layer
6. Stick it in the oven for 40ish minutes, until the apples are nice and soft
7. Let cool a bit, it’s hot! Stick it in a bowl with some ice cream maybe? and ENJOY

The rustling leaves scattered pale blue light from large mushrooms glowing across the cave ceiling, and specks of blue muted the shaking grass’ colours, blurring everything into an ocean-reminiscent picture that clashed with the day’s activites. Nestled high in the branches of apple trees, boughs heavy with fruit ripe and ready for picking, a panda-coloured ineki was doing just that. A shake of a branch, a flash of black and white, and then plop! Another apple fell into the basket below, carefully watched over by two small, pixie-like inekis. A bright pink one that seemed to glitter in the light, and a pale green one with a cheshire smile and fur that rustled the way the trees did.

“Mei, I think we have enough!” called the green one. The panda head poked out in response to her name being called, and she surveyed the nearly full basket and smiled.

“Yay! Okay, I’m coming down.” With that Mei climbed down the ladder and picked up the basket. She checked to make sure her tiny entourage was all accounted for, and the three headed out of the orchard.
~~~
The three had made an excellent assembly line out of their work. The pink one, Piper, was peeling and coring apples while the green one, Siobhra, cleaned up the slices and tossed them into one of three dishes. Mei kept a careful eye on the two as she mixed together a sugary mess of a topping. Before long three dishes of apple and cinnamon sugar goodness were baking away, and Piper and Siobhra were nearly bursting with excitement.

“I love faaaaall!” sang Siobhra, throwing their arms out and falling to the floor. Piper laughed and plopped down on their back. She looked up at Mei with bright eyes.

“I’m so glad Marcy let us take some apples like that.”

“I guess he was a lil’ busy fighting back those twenty billion scholar crows to really think about what he was allowing” came Siobhra’s muffled voice from below. Mei just laughed.

“We should bring him some apple crisp as thanks, to be polite.”

“Do you think there will be enough?” Piper’s voice was comically laden with worry. Mei eyed the three trays, large and filled to the brim with cooking apples, and gave Piper a wry smile.

“It will be close, but I think we’ll manage.”

yum yum yum

Eggs (or egg whites) approximately 2
Milk 1/4 Cup
Vanilla Extract 1 teaspoon
Cinnamon 1 tablespoon
Nutmeg 1 teaspoon
???
Alcoholic beverage of your choice (does not turn it into CSFT)

Note: Although CSFT is technically a second recipe, the Cuban Sweet Toast is the only recipe I’m “submitting.” Including the french toast option is pure habit, since Cuban Sweet Toast started as Cuban Sweet French Toast and evolved and simplified. I can remove all mention of CSFT if desired, however. I consider including it kind of part of my “proof,” since I couldn’t include pictures! :D

Mix together eggs (or egg white; beat them if you want, I’m not sure it makes a difference), a splash or two of milk, a much much smaller splash of vanilla extract, some cinnamon, a pinch of nutmeg, a bunch of sugar and syrup, and whatever else you want to mix in there. Stick the pieces of toast in it, let them soak for a sec, then throw in the medium-high heat pan. Make them like normal french toast, except extra sticky. You definitely need the parchment/wax paper for these babies, even if you use paper plates. Trust me. Wash hands liberally throughout the process. At some point while cooking, pour the excess mixture over everything because you might as well. Shift it around and hope it doesn’t really start sticking until you’ve got it out of the pan. When you feel like everything seems pretty cooked, dump all of it onto the parchment/wax paper, and admire it. Proceed with wash-up, then indulge in one of the chewy-crunchy bits. Possibly decide that you can’t handle this and go give it to your neighbor.

Note: If the excess bits don’t remind you of caramel, you’ve done it wrong and the CSFT is useless to you. You probably didn’t add enough syrup/sugar. It happens. Tragically often. If you did it right, you’ll probably hate yourself half a piece in, but in a good way. This is why the actual recipe is just Cuban Sweet Toast though. CSFT is easy as heck to get wrong, and not really everyone’s cup of over-sweetened tea.

Wow, me, I don’t fucking know time to come up with something magical

Rosetta considered the concoction. She tilted her head. Sugar glistened in the low lighting of their low-budget cave, defiant of the shadows clinging in the corners. The little creature shifted back, hiking up a hindleg to scuff intently behind her ear. Perhaps…? She hopped around the table to its opposite side, where she popped up onto her hindlegs again, bracing her forepaws on the table. She peered into the mixture again. Much to her disappointment, the changed angle did not improve it.

Hopping back, she hunched down on her hindquarters, turning to stare at her mother with big, doubtful eyes. “Mama,” she said plaintively. “I don’t think I’ll like it.”

“It’s sugar, sweetness, you’ll like it,” Mama hummed absently. She didn’t look away from the oven, where she watched the baking process with a level of uncertainty that did not inspire confidence.

“It’s not sugar,” Rosetta disagreed. “It’s brown. Sugar’s not brown.”

Mama made a face, finally closing the oven up and looking away. Her face was flushed red with the heat from the oven, and she rubbed anxiously at her dry cheeks. “That’s just the sugar you’re used to, baby,” Mama explained. “It’s processed and bleached and stuff. This is natural. Remember the cane?”

Rosetta did remember. She remembered that Mama had woken her up at an unpleasant hour and announced they were making an “old Earthen recipe” and started hustling Rosetta out of bed, reeking of excitement and a sort of unholy glee. Rosetta remembered that they had gone out into the field equipped with strange curved blades and proceeded to hunt down “long, reedy things. Kinda like bamboo.” Not only ‘kinda like’ as it happened; they had spent half an hour hacking at a stand of supposedly delicious reeds before Mama picked one up and declared that “oops, this really is bamboo.” That wasn’t terrible, because Rosetta liked to make things with bamboo, but it did mean they had to spend five more hours trying to find cane. Since Mama was even more unfamiliar with Mycena than the young Rosetta, Rosetta had been very concerned that cane might not even exist.

Actually, Rosetta still wasn’t convinced it did. And if it did, she wasn’t sure Mama knew how to turn it into sugar.

“I like white sugar,” Rosetta whined.

“I know, it’s delicious, but cane sugar is better. And theoretically healthier!” Mama cried, clearly quite pleased with herself. Rosetta resigned herself to trying this weird food of Mama’s, if only because, if she didn’t, Mama would be sad and then probably not make sweets again for like, forever. Like actual days. Rosetta would die, without sweets. She knew it. She could tell.

“Are you sure it’s supposed to be bubbling like that?” Rosetta asked.

“Probably,” Mama sighed, finally giving in. “If it’s gross, I’ll go find you some nice mushrooms, okay?”

“Please don’t,” Rosetta requested, concerned that Mama would somehow find a mushroom and turn her into a toad.

“Ugh, you’re no fun. Go get the butter—” “I’m not sure butter’s supposed to look like that,” Mama plowed on—“and grease the pan—” “Does it really qualify as a pan?”—“and go ahead and heat it.”

“You know pans and stoves are actual things, right?” Rosetta asked, even as she started getting the make-shift pan set up over the fire.

“You know Mama makes all her money by putting stones in an order that resembles words, right?” Mama retorted. “This’ll work.” Rosetta really doubted that. “Oh look, the bread’s done!”

“Does it look like bread?” Rosetta asked, shifting the fire around a bit.

“It does!” Mama announced, sounding kind of shocked. To be fair, she didn’t sound as shocked as Rosetta felt. “It even smells like bread.”

“That’s promising,” Rosetta observed. Mama hummed agreeably.

“Is the pan ready?” Mama asked, poking at the bread and hissing when it was (surprise!) hot.

“I have no idea,” she answered because she didn’t. This was all pretty new to her. “Aren’t you supposed to use old bread?”

“Fair enough,” Mama allowed and casually ignored the ‘old bread’ question, which was as good as confirmation. “Okay, do we have syrup?”

“Isn’t that something you should have found out before we did all this?” Rosetta asked, but went to check anyway. “We do.”

“Aha! See, Rosie? Luck is on our side!” Mama sang, slicing the bread while making little ‘ow ow hot ow’ noises. “Can you stir the sugar? It should be crystallized by now. Probably.”

This was really not inspiring confidence. Rosetta went to stir the sugar, which did look a lot more like sugar now. Big, brown, chunky sugar. She reported this to Mama, who cheered. Rosetta went over a mental checklist of the ingredients Mama had used, until she was almost certain she couldn’t possibly be poisoned by any of this nonsense.

“You owe me a cape for this,” Rosetta reported.

“You’re kind of demanding,” Mama observed. “You have three pumpkins, isn’t that good enough for you?” Rosetta looked at the pumpkins, and then back at Mama.

“It’s really not.”

Mama considered, and then shrugged. It really wasn’t. “Okay. I’ll try to get you a cape,” she agreed readily. “Now hand me the sugar, we’re makin’ toast!”

“No, you’re making toast,” Rosetta corrected. “I’m going to stand at a safe distance.” She handed her the sugar though, and moved the other ingredients closer too. Mama wasn’t a bad cook—but she wasn’t a very prepared cook either. As promised, Rosetta moved away once she was sure Mama had everything she needed. She didn’t actually watch, though she had intended to. She got distracted while Mama was buttering the bread, flopping over onto her pillow and picking up a pumpkin. She balanced it on one paw as she got situated on her back. She transferred it to a hindpaw, and picked up a second pumpkin, putting it on her other hindpaw. Nose scrunched in concentrated, she moved her legs up and down slowly, lifting and lowering the pumpkins, shifting her toes a few times to readjust the pumpkins. Once she was certain they would stay, she picked up the third, largest pumpkin, holing it in her forepaws. Then she exercised.

What? She had to get a use out of these weird things somehow, and for some reason Mama said she couldn’t carve them or eat them. Exercise was clearly the obvious solution here.

“Dun duh duh dunnnn!” Mama sang, breaking her concentration. She scrabbled to catch the pumpkins, which she had switched to tossing from paw to paw at some point. One of them hit the ground, but didn’t break, which abruptly convinced her that Mama was right; these were definitely not safe to eat. Mama swept over, holding plates stacked with weird toast aloft. She tripped twice on the way over, but the toast stayed firmly in place. Which was pretty worrying, since one of the plates flipped in midair before Mama managed to catch it.

“Eat up, Rosie! I’ll get us milk!” Mama deposited the plates on their table while Rosetta wondered why they had plates and not pans. Pans seemed more important. She looked at the toast dubiously. Despite everything, it smelled delicious, like, well, cooked sugar. Rosetta carefully picked up a piece, tilting it around, looking it over for any obvious flaws. It was a little burnt on one side, and it was…really sticky. She transferred it to her other paw, and it didn’t want to go. Did she really want to put her teeth on this?

Mama plopped down, setting down two mugs of milk. Without hesitation, she picked up a piece of toast and shoved it in her mouth, chomping down. She managed to chew and everything, which seemed like a good sign.

Rosetta shrugged, reminding herself she was getting a cape out of this, and took a bite. Sugar exploded on her tongue, cloyingly sweet. Her fur stood on end. She took another bite. She had to set the last bit aside, unable to handle any more of it, and Mama laughed at her, already on her second piece. Rosetta purred, draping herself back over the pillows. She didn’t feel stuffed, not like after a big meal, but she felt satisfied.

Mama came to lay down with her, smiling. She had only made it halfway through her second piece. “There,” Mama sighed, stretching out on the pillows, which weren’t really big enough for her at all. “Now it’s not just a cave anymore.”

Rosetta looked around at their cave. It was small and a little gloomy, and—it smelled nice. She closed her eyes. “What is it then?” she asked.

“Home,” Mama murmured. Home. That sounded nice. Rosetta turned over and burrowed into Mama, snuggling in close. “Night night, Rosie.”

“We should probably go for a jog or something,” Rosetta mumbled. Mama laughed; neither of them made any move to get up.

“Night night, Mama,” Rosetta finally gave it. Mama rubbed her ears.

“Sleep tight, princess.” Rosetta didn’t hear; she was already asleep.

(She didn’t go for a jog when she woke up. She did, however, spend at least ten minutes just scrubbing her teeth. Seriously, that was delicious but her teeth were never going to recover.)

I feel like the description of the steps is genuinely enough. I’m not sure I can actually claim this is my recipe, I’m sure someone else has done something similar to this before, but whatever it’s delicious and I didn’t use a recipe for it. I should have taken pictures last time I made this, which was literally right before I typed this up; unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get any Cuban bread since, and my favored store only sells it on weekends. Since I’ve got a baby shower to attend on Sunday, I won’t be able to make it this weekend, so I do hope the description is enough!

[edit]
I was asked by staff to include further proof since apparently being sassy and emotive about your recipe isn’t enough (...FAIR and something I should have realized, oops) so, here is, well. Pictures of ingredients because I still don’t have any bread.

1 large mixing bowl
1 small bowl (enough to hold 2 cups)
1 large whisk
1 small whisk
multipurpose measuring cup (measurements: 1/3 cup, 1/2 cup, 1 cup)
1 teaspoon
1 tablespoon
1 sheet wax paper (size depends on size of baking pan)
1 baking spatula (any size)
1 baking pan (9 x 13)
1 large oven
1 plate (large enough to hold cake when finished)
2 oven mitts
toothpicks
1 minion

***May substitute this for smaller or rounder pans)

1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon vinegar
1 bag chocolate or peanut butter chips (optional)
1 can nonstick cooking spray
1 tub thawed whip cream

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (177 degrees Celsius).

2. Mix together the dry ingredients in large mixing bowl: flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, cocoa powder. Set aside.

3. Mix together the wet ingredients in the small bowl: oil, water, vanilla extract, vinegar.

4. Combine wet ingredients with dry ingredients in large mixing bowl. Pour slowly while mixing with large whisk. Optional: add either chocolate or peanut butter chips to mix.

5. Spray inside of baking pan with nonstick cooking spray.

6. Measure and cut wax paper to fit the baking pan. The wax paper should cover at least two sides.

7. Spray nonstick cooking spray on wax paper. (less trouble taking out)

8. Pour chocolate mixture into pan. Use baking spatula to remove as much as possible.

9. Place baking pan into oven and set oven to bake.

10. Wait 25 minutes. (Time may vary according to size of baking pan used.)

11. While cake is baking, take out whip cream. Place into large mixing bowl and use whisk to stiffen whip cream. Set aside.

12. Take toothpick and stick it in the middle of cake. If anything sticks to it, put cake back in oven. Use 5 minute increments until toothpick comes out clean.

13. Allow cake to cool.

14. Remove cake from baking pan and place onto plate. Use wax paper edges to help lift cake out.

15. Use baking spatula to spread whip cream onto cake. If a double layer is desired, double the recipe. Do not double the cooking time or temperature.

1 large whisk
1 small whisk
multipurpose measuring cup (measurements: 1/3 cup, 1/2 cup, 1 cup)
1 teaspoon
1 tablespoon
1 sheet bee wax paper (size depends on size of baking pan)
1 baking spatula (any size)
1 baking pan (9 x 13)
1 large oven or open fire
1 large flat rock (large enough to hold cake when finished)
2 thick vines
slivers of wood (clean!)
1 ineki (or 2)

1 1/2 cups finely ground dried mushroom (1 1/2 cups flour)
1 cup finely ground cinnamon sticks (1 cup granulated sugar)
1 teaspoon yeast (1 teaspoon baking soda)
1 teaspoon sea salt (1 teaspoon salt)
1/3 cup finely ground cacao (1/3 cup cocoa powder)
1/2 cup essence of seaweed liquid (1/2 cup vegetable oil)
1 cup water
1 teaspoon flower extract (1 teaspoon vanilla extract)
1 tablespoon lemon juice (1 tablespoon vinegar)
1 bag chocolate or peanut butter chips (optional)
1/3 cup seaweed oil (may not use everything)
1 tub thawed whip cream

1. Start fire. Be careful not to make it too small or cake will take longer to bake… if it does in first place. Also making it too large will burn cake. (Disclaimer: If cake is overcooked, we are not responsible for it being edible or tasting good. Eat at your own risk.)

2. Mix together the dry ingredients in large mixing bowl: dried mushroom, cinnamon, yeast, sea salt, ground cacao. Set aside. If no finely ground dried mushrooms or cinnamon are available, use flat rock to grind them. (Caution: Don’t get too carried away. Rock will be used later on as a plate.)

3. Combine the wet ingredients in the small bowl: essence of seaweed, water, flower extract, lemon.

4. Slowly pour wet mixture into large bowl while stirring slowly. Baking spatula may be used to crush lumps. Optional: add either chocolate or peanut butter chips to mix.

5. Smear seaweed oil on the inside of the pan.

6. Measure and cut wax paper to fit the baking pan. Wax paper should be able to reach the top of the pan sides..

7. Use seaweed oil on wax paper. (less trouble taking out)

8. Pour chocolate mixture into pan. Use baking spatula to remove as much as possible. (Leave spatula in bowl to keep clean for licking afterwards. :D YUM!)

9. Place pan in large oven or over fire. If using fire, place large metal sheet over pan to cover it. (Caution: When using fire, make sure the items holding up the pan are stable and not within reach of fire.)

10. Wait 25 minutes. (Time may vary according to size of baking pan used and method of baking cake.)

11. While cake is baking, take out whip cream. Place into large mixing bowl and use whisk to stiffen whip cream. Set aside.

12. Use sliver of wood to determine if cake is cooked. If cake is light, use dark wood and vice versa. Stick silver of wood into cake and pull out. If there is anything sticking to it, put cake back into oven (over fire) and keep baking in 5 minute increments until sliver of wood comes out clean.

13. Allow cake to cool. (Use time to thoroughly lick your utensils.)

14. Remove cake from baking pan and place onto plate. Bee wax paper will make the removing the cake easier. Take two paws and grasp the edges of the paper. (Opposite of each other.) Then start lifting. Cake may stick onto paper. If so, turn cake upside down onto large flat rock and remove bee wax paper.

15. Use baking spatula to spread whip cream onto cake. If a double layer is desired, double the recipe. Do not double the cooking time or temperature.

This recipe was originally made by my grandmother who is now deceased. Growing up, this was mine & many of my family members favorite dish. On our birthdays my grandmother would make us a special dinner, & everyone in our immediate family but my brother chose this so we ate this dish five times a year. For the past 20 years this has been my birthday meal, & is a hoot not only with our family, but friends alike.
We make the spaghetti in various ways (i.e. vegetarian, pepperoni, & pepperoni/meatballs), depending on how we feel on having it. Vegetarian is delicious, but my personal favorite is adding pepperoni only.

• Pots for sauce, blanching tomatoes (should you choose to go this route) & cooking noodles
• 1 pan for sauteing green peppers & onions
• Measuring spoons for seasonings
• Strainer for rinsing noodles
• Mixing spoon
• Spatula

You’ll notice in my pictures that I’ve doubled the recipe, I’ve halved the entire recipe because it yields a large pot full. Double this recipe only if you’d like a ton of left overs or plan to share with family &/or friends. This sauce freezes very well, by the way!

Ingredients
• Package of noodles/spaghetti
• 1 big can of tomatoes or 1-2 lbs of tomatoes, blanched
• 1 can of tomato paste
• 1 green pepper, chopped
• 2 medium cans of tomato sauce
• 1½ large garlic cloves, minced
• 1½ yellow onions, chopped
• 1 green pepper, chopped
• ½ tablespoon olive oil

Seasonings
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• ⅛ cup parsley
• 1½ teaspoons italian seasoning
• 1½ teaspoons crushed red pepper
• 1½ teaspoons salt*
• 2-3 bay leaves
*If you choose to leave this a vegetarian dish, you will probably need to add a little more. We don’t add much salt because we put margarita pepperoni in our pot which adds it. Taste before adding more salt! Optional ingredients
• 1-2 sticks pepperoni, cut thickly
• ¼-½ lbs of meatballs, ¼ if you plan on adding pepperoni also

1. Pour can of tomatoes into pot.
If blanching tomatoes: Boil pot of water, set aside one bowl full of ice water (ice cubes in). Once the pan starts boiling, place tomatoes in. Allow to boil for 3 minutes, then remove & quickly put into ice water & wait 3 minutes. Remove tomatoes & skin, you’ll see that the skin will fall off. Cut a circle around the butts, refer to first picture here (1 *). Cut into half and put into the pot you’ll be making the spaghetti with. Repeat until all tomatoes are done. Start cooking the sauce, medium heat. You do not want the sauce to boil.
2. Add tomato paste and 2 cans of tomato sauce.
3. While your sauce is cooking, mince garlic and add to sauce.
4. Chop up onions & green bell peppers. Cut green pepper in a circle around top of pepper and remove (picture 4 *), this should take care of most of the seeds. Using a spoon, remove the innards before chopping up.
5. In pan, saute chopped onions and green peppers until they have softened, but aren’t browned. Add to spaghetti sauce, including the olive oil.
6. Add all seasonings.
[Add meat now, should you choose to. Pepperoni should be cut into thick slices.]
7. Wait an hour or so, stirring the sauce every 15 minutes. After an hour, turn the sauce to simmer (very low heat). Cook for a minimal of four hours (we normally do 6-8, the longer it cooks the better), stirring every 30 minutes.
8. When your sauce is almost done, cook noodles according to package (al dente style highly recommended).

View pictures of the spaghetti process. Please note that those images with asterisks were not taken by me & are used simply for reference on how/where to cut vegetables. 

• If using canned tomatoes, use diced or whole tomatoes.
• We personally use hunt’s for the tomato paste, canned tomatoes (when we use it), & tomato sauce.
• Blanch the tomatoes if you have the time, it tastes better & is well worth it
• If you don’t think it’s spicy enough, add red crushed peppers as a kick — don’t put more into the sauce!
• For noodles I suggest spaghetti, penne, or even rigatoni. The penne & rigatoni noodles work great for holding sauce.
• If you have a crock pot, use it! I think it’s a lot easier to make the sauce this way.

The Darcy you see to the right is a small figure made out of sculpey clay, baked then painted with acrylics. When I dug through my art supplies, I came across the miniatures you see in the picture & decided to scale her based on them (Darcy is shorter than a lighter!).

I chose Darcy because she’s the shopkeeper of Confection Perfection. I imagine that every once in a great blue moon, when not busy maintaining her shop, that she gives tutorials to novice cooks. The noodle & sauce you see in her ladle and pot are very much real. I also put a small amount of coffee in her cup.

View pictures here!

I started off making the head shape & smoothing it onto a lumpy body with legs. I then slowly began adding details, starting with sunken eyes, muzzle and ears. I then began sculpting the tails, adding clay slowly & building up the bulk of the body and tails. I then added her arms, making one bigger than the other on purpose to help hold the miniature pot. A lot of the time was spent smoothing out her face & entire body. I don’t have any sand paper, so I wanted it to be smooth prior to bake. Darcy was then baked for an hour & set over night to cool.
Over the next few days, as you can see in the photos, I started applying the paint. I’m not really good at potions master in real life, so you can see how Darcy went through a couple changes. :P While I do think the navy color would’ve been more accurate, I chose a dark purple/blue mixture so that the muzzle appeared less red.

View pictures here!