Raphael and Sonder

[ raphael ]

they wanted heaven from me, I gave them hell
now they want something bigger, I’m overwhelmed

the third highest ranking angel in all of Creation, yet that was not enough and too much all at once

the pressure to be bigger-better-greater than life itself, responsibilities cast aside and taken on, an exile from the only thing they’d ever known—

and yet there they are somehow, held in Her esteem despite the constant confusion at how they could possibly deserve such a role or what they should actually do with it

soaring across the entirety of Her Creation, littering the vast emptiness with bright stars to guide and guard everyone below despite a complete lack of interest in any of them

drawn into the affairs of mortals on Her command with no stake in anything any of them care about, they believe they’re just a tool through which She may accomplish her goals and then—

companionship became friendship, reluctant reliance became steadfast trust

slowly they began to understand the beings they’d been sent to protect, to see worth in smaller lives and the light that those lives brought to everyone around them

and as they discovered the beauty and purpose and worth in everything else, they began to wonder if maybe

just maybe

they had some, too

[ sonder ]

I am not chosen or that unique
honestly, you were, and you chose me

fate herself, with all her infinite wisdom, buried under the constant flow of information yet holding strong all the same

the knowledge of something-everything-nothing, destinies weaving in and out of each other, a thread she couldn’t see being cut until it was too late—

and yet there she is somehow, being told she’s special despite the constant confusion at who she once was or why everything she’d known was thrown aside, singing a chorus of “wait, why?”

carried across the world and dragged between places she’d never have dared to dream exist, desperately trying to make sense of nonsensical information being thrown at her from all sides

blinded by her own choice to be ignorant, but being told she was so much greater than she could have imagined raises doubt and anxiety and nerves and makes her almost wonder—

acquaintance became preference, uncertain alliance became unflinching loyalty

slowly she began to accept her own abilities, to understand that she was vitally important to the world and that her absence had immeasurably damaged everything

and as she came to terms with her own mistakes and began to move forward, she wondered if maybe

just maybe

she could have nice things, too

The entire group was having a fairly normal evening, for once.

Across the room, Az and Antsy had engaged themselves in a debate over something pointless - Phoebe had picked out the occasional snippet of “flat Earthers” and “that one truth movement” and immediately deduced she wanted nothing to do with the conversation. So she’d climbed back on the couch where Raph was stiffly arranged in a puff of hair and fabric, with Sonder draped over their lap as if she did this all the time. Poor Raphael looked deeply uncomfortable; their face was carefully expressionless as they read to her from the book in their hand. Phoebe had half a mind to rescue them from Sonder until they looked up at her.

I am fine, their voice rang in her mind, twinkling chimes she could hear but not see.

A grin made its way across her face as she made herself equally comfortable on the corner seat of the couch. Phone in hand, she scrolled through a picture feed and listened vaguely as Raphael read from a book of children’s poetry. Every now and then, Sonder would correct their pronunciation of a word.

It took until the third such correction for Phoebe to realize Sonder was helping Raph learn to read.

Time wore on, and the corrections from Sonder became more and more infrequent until they were replaced entirely by soft snores. Raphael sighed, closed the book, and put it down on the seat next to them.

“Still fine?” Phoebe asked, after a moment.

Raphael paused and glanced down at Sonder’s sleeping form, still comfy as ever on their lap. Bright orange eyes met Phoebe’s blue. “Yes,” they said, with a quiet confidence. “I am fine.”